So, I have a new web log up (finally). I’m not going to link to it here, but if I know you, feel free to contact me privately, and I’ll give you the link. 🙂 I will no longer post any new entries to this site (but I do plan to leave it up for historical purposes).
For anyone who knows me well, it will probably come as no surprise that I was quite relieved when I came up with a reason why this whole situation is (mostly) my fault. For those of you who don’t know me well and, yet, are still interested, I hope by the time you finish reading this “book”, you’ll have a general idea.
Well, I took a look at the online account stuff, and I can see that the US Treasury has deposited the check that I sent to pay my federal taxes. That confirms a few different relief-inducing things:
- I put the returns in the correct envelopes (I thought I did, but you know how you always obsess about these things).
- The federal return actually arrived (I already got notification about the Alabama return through Registered Mail tracking).
- The return I actually owed money on has been received.
Half a week later… and if anything, the extremes of my feelings are worse instead of better. If given the chance, I’m not sure whether I’d throttle her or thank her. There’s not much room for anything in between right now. Either way, I’m pretty sure I’d be bawling while doing it.
I know she wasn’t happy, though. I hope she finds happiness. That’s the honest truth.
I said that I didn’t know which, but I do want to say “thank you” for the best 14+ years of my life (so far).
Now that I have some time, I figure I should let everyone know that I was rear-ended this morning. Me and the other driver were both unhurt. No one else was in our cars, and our two cars were the only ones involved. Honestly, it was very minor. What the other driver gave as his description matched mine.
You know, I was originally writing one of my “extended novel” form posts., but I think I’m going to use this lockup as a signal that I should be doing something a lot shorter. What I was really trying to say was that as strange as it seems, I’ve decided to look at a small slip that resulted in something taking a lot longer than it should have as a sign that I’m gradually getting back to much closer to normal. The way I put it is that it’s a sign that I’m starting to look at things only “n” times (as opposed to “2n” or “3n” times).
Yesterday, I happened upon a web page that had a collection of web comics that all dealt with the difficulties of depression. There was a lot of stuff I related to, but there was one quote in item 15, that really resonated with me:
I had simply become bad at the thing I was best at, and it disappointed everyone, especially me.
That’s how I feel right now.
I had a realization while I was driving to work this morning…one of those points where you experience something and think, “This is going to be important later. I need to mark it.” Since this web log is my place for recording stuff like that, you (my 5 readers) are about to get an “earful”.
You know, I don’t think I realized until 2011 just how much crap almost every woman goes through on a very regular basis. I mean, I knew this stuff happens, but I didn’t realize how common it is. If you’re a guy, please follow the link below and know that people you care about are putting up with this on a regular basis.
I really want to write, but I don’t know what.
I have this very strong desire to put “deep” thoughts out into the world where other people can see them. I strongly suspect it’s a kind of arrogance. Here’s something that I once wrote to a friend:
In my life, it has become very clear from experience that being a good listener for others, sharing deep parts of myself, being tolerant where perhaps others are not… these things are the best way for me to become close to people… to get people to like and respond to me. Some people use charm and charisma. Some people use physical attractiveness. For me, it’s empathy. To put it a bit bluntly, it’s something I’m good at.
I’m not asking for help coming up with things to write about. I guess I wanted to “throw” some thoughts out here. This blog has been as much about self-therapy (even before I had the wreck and started participating in formal therapy) for me as for anything else.